Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Thoughts On A Tuesday

1) Photography is way more than just pushing a button.

Aperture, shutter speed, f stops, film, focus, depth of field...it can be overwhelming.

Actually, I started reading up on all this technical-photography-stuff over the summer.

In my Photography class we are learning manual film cameras which is a whole 'nother ball game compared to digital. We have a test on the parts of a camera and then the teacher is going to make sure we know how to load film and use the camera correctly then we will take our first photos with them!

I love the look, feel and idea of using manual film cameras but it is a little upsetting in the beginning. They are totally something new and can be a hassle but I'm excited to become more familiar with them.

2) I am going to be on our school's Yearbook team! Me and my two friends and in charge of photographing the Varsity Cheerleaders. hmm Should be interesting.

3) Our high school guidance counselors are hosting a trip to the University Of Florida for juniors and seniors. I decided to sign up.

I'm pretty excited, we get to miss a whole day of school. It has not been in my plans to go to a Florida college but...who knows? It's always good to keep my options (and mind) wide open.

4) I really want to go to Brigham Young University and have been dreaming of going my whole life. But I'm almost starting to rethink going there. I don't know why but I don't feel like that's really truly where I want to go anymore. I don't know. It's weird. I still want to go there but I feel like there's other options I should explore first.



Tuesday, September 20, 2011

random tidbits


carrot cake for my 16th birthday.


a double rainbow. hard to see the second one in the photo, very faint.


sneaking pictures of Branden in the car.


our patio in the rain.


Nathan's 11th birthday, yesterday.


:)

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Service

I donated blood at school today! You had to be 16 which I turned 2 days ago!

They checked my blood pressure, iron levels and temperature.  They pricked my finger and blood came rushing out. She checked the iron and it was good!  I was thinking it might be low, but it wasn't!

Giving blood was a lot easier than I thought it would be.  I had heard horror stories about vomiting and fainting, but it wasn't like that at all.  It was actually quite peaceful.

They hook a tube to your arm.  It was weird watching the blood come out of the tube and into the bag, but it was nice to know that all my healthy blood was going to help somebody who needed it.  I didn't feel faint or sick or lightheaded at all.  I made sure to eat breakfast and lunch right before which helped, I know.

If you ever have the chance to donate blood, do it!  It's a great experience...plus you get out of class....and a t-shirt and cookies and cranberry juice after.

***

I turned 16 on Sunday. Sixteen is the big age where you can go on dates and drive by yourself! (but neither of those are happening anytime soon.)

On Monday my parents surprised me!

I thought we were going to Kohl's to use the gift card my grandma sent me, but my mom drove us to the movie theater where my best friends and Dad were waiting for me!

My parents really pulled off the surprise, I had NO idea!! I was suspicious because of some conversations I had heard, but I didn't actually know anything.

We watched The Help and it was amazing.  I loved it so much.  Then we went to a Japanese restaurant, where they make the food right in front of you.  It was awesome.  Then me and the girls went to Kohl's.

It sounds silly but I cried like a baby when I got home from my fun-filled day.  So many emotions.  Happy that I was 16.  Nervous.  Sad that I am getting old.  Sad that I'm not as pretty as Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) was on her 16th birthday.

(Stupid, I know. But it's true.)

I sobbed and cried for a long time.  Sad that I'm not the person I wanted to be at 16.  I guess that ever since I was little I've had this perfect image of myself in my head.  And for some reason 16 was the age that I was going to look and be that person, and well, it didn't happen.  That's pretty much why I was crying and sad for myself.

I'm really self conscious and have really low self esteem. Always comparing myself to others. Never feeling good enough.  It's tough.  On top of all that I'm quiet and sometimes don't feel like anybody actually cares what I have to say. That, or my stories and conversation aren't interesting enough so I keep to myself and let my friends do all of the talking.  Which makes me feel even worse about myself.

It's so silly and dumb to feel this way. I'm trying to be better.  I realize that everybody has insecurities and mine aren't bigger than anyone else's even though it feels like it.  I also once heard that shyness is such a selfish thing to be. When you're shy you're not giving of yourself to others, keeping to yourself and not letting your light shine.  And that has motivated me to be better.  I have lots of opportunities at school to talk to people so I am trying to talk more and make friends.

sorry for the boring, long post without pictures. i hate reading posts without pictures so don't feel bad if you didn't read the whole thing. i just havne't been snapping pics lately with school and everything else going on. i didn't even take my camera to my birthday. mostly because i thought we were just going to kohl's, not out with my friends!