|i'm going to miss these faces|
The truth is, I've never even been to Idaho. On Facebook today I saw that one of my close friends when I lived in California got accepted to Provo, and I felt a surge of jealousy and anger. Of course she would get in. And I'd get stuck going to the second-best school. Nobody actually wants to go to BYU-I, do they? Everyone applies to Provo as first choice, Idaho as second, and then when if don't get in to Provo, they automatically are sent to Idaho. I felt really negative when I didn't the main campus in Provo, Utah denied me. I didn't tell anyone about my acceptance to Idaho, I didn't announce it on Facebook and I didn't bring it up around people at church.
A sister missionary transferred to our ward. She's a student at BYU-I and she loves it. She's this happy, curly-haired Rexburg poster girl. Telling me how it's the best place on Earth and that I'm going to love it. She told me about the wards and FHE and all the fun outdoorsy things there are to do out there. I'm so grateful for her. She truly has changed my perspective. Now I'm really excited about this new adventure coming up in my life.
It's the first day of Spring Break. I sat around the house in fuzzy pink pajamas all day, eating, watching Next Great Baker on YouTube, and eating. I baked a pan of sugar cookie bars but they tasted like shortening so I scooped the whole batch into the garbage.
My room is a disaster. Clothes all over the floor, all over my round lounge chair and high heels, flip flops, Toms and ballerina flats all over the place. My desk is a mound of dusty papers and hair bands and bows and crumpled dollar bills. I hate living in a pig sty, yet I really don't want to clean it.
Lately my mind has been troubled with thoughts of my future. I have all these hopes and dreams and expectations and desires and I don't know how to bring them to fruition. There's a few things I am sure about. I know I'm going to Rexburg, Idaho this September to study at Brigham Young University. I know that I'll be rooming with a really good friend of mine who I haven't seen since last summer when she moved to Colorado.
I don't know what major I want to study. I have ideas, and I tell everyone that I'm doing Nursing, but I actually feel really unsure about that decision. I guess I just don't feel passionate about it. I mean, sitting in an office on the computer, checking in patients, then taking blood pressure and temperature...doesn't excite me. I guess I just don't want to be in a job that I don't love. People say different things. Maybe I should just pick a major where I can get a really good paying job, even if I won't love it, because work is work and if I do choose to do something that I'll love, it will still be a job and people grow to dislike their jobs.
Some Dream Lives I'd Enjoy
I'd love to move to the country and raise chickens and mini pigs and a cow. I'd love to live a simple country life and grow vegetables and fruit and have fresh eggs. I could sell the eggs and breed mini pigs, which are a popular pet among celebrities right now and are upwards of $1,000 each. It sounds silly telling my dad this, he finds things about it that make me question it, but it's a nice idea.
Or I'd love to work in a busy bakery in New York City. I love baking and would do it all day, working in Levain bakery or a cupcake shop would be a dream come true. I think it would be exciting to work in a big city like New York because it would be so fast paced and people all over the world come to New York. It's a beautiful city, I've never been there but so I've heard, it's the best city in the world.
Another thing I would love to do would be to work as a journalist or photographer. I love writing and reading and taking pictures. I have been a consistent journal writer since fifth grade. I am a really good writer, when I read my old blog posts I always feel like they are nicely written and people tell me my writing is good. I wrote an article once and it made my teacher cry. I would love to travel and write about different cultures and photograph different countries and people. Especially food and fashion of different countries, or even just America. Different foods and lifestyles all over this very country.
I also would love to work to advocate a plant based, whole foods diet as the cure for cancer and heart disease. I would love to be a nutritionist for the federal government and change things. We aren't properly educated on how dairy and meat are metabolized in our body and if we knew, we could be a healthier country. I guess I would enjoy working in a hospital in a cardiology center talking to patients about keeping their hearts healthy and teaching the younger generation about healthy lifestyles.
I also want to serve a mission for my church and work at DisneyWorld or Disneyland through their after-college program.
I also sometimes have these crazy ideas. I think to myself, I don't even need to go to college. I could just work entry level jobs at ice cream shops, bakeries, confectionaries and just be as happy as anyone. I could work one job and then save enough money to move somewhere new. I really don't see myself living somewhere long term, I love new places too much. When I tell my family this though, they say what about your husband's job and kids?
So yeah, this is the turmoil inside my brain.