Saturday, January 14, 2012

Chipper and other things. but mostly Chipper.

-Chipper is just cuter than ever since he got his hair cut.

-I love my handsome pup.

-It's been cold enough to wear boots! I got these at Kohl's. 20 bucks with a gift card I got from Grandma and Grandpa!

-Again, Chip is just so sweet.

-Reflecting lights on the water.

-Cookie dough. These cookies didn't turn out that great though.

-Christmas lights are hard to take pictures of. This was the only semi-decent one.

-My favorite pic from Christmas 2011. So of course it is of Jared.

Saturday, January 7, 2012


I have really bad acne.

It's embarassing and it's gross and it really messes with my already non-existent self esteem.

Having acne is tough. I have to wear make up every single time I leave the house to help cover it up.

It's stressful wearing make up. And I hate doing it.

I put concealer on the red spots (which are everywhere), then powder, then bronzer and it adds a good chunk of time to my morning routine.

I can't just roll out of bed and go to school like all my friends do.

Most people don't have acne like I do. Yes, you get zits and pimples sometimes but it's nothing like what I go through. 

I've been to heck and back with my acne.

I started washing my face with ProActiv in 7th grade (2007). My acne at the time really was not bad at all, I think I just had a few zits here and there. But as a precaution my mom bought me ProActiv.

The regimen really dried my skin out and I got flaky dryness everywhere. By the beginning of 8th grade my skin was getting just a tad worse. More zits, more redness more oil, but I never wore make up, my skin was still generally pretty clear.

In November 2008 I left public school and started doing online homeschool. I don't remember how I was taking care of my acne. I think I was using a face wash from Avon or maybe it was Melaleuca. I do have a picture from this time and my acne was sooo bad and it's just really gross. Red zits all over my face.

In 9th grade I started using a product called CleanStart. It had 3-4 steps in the regimen, like Proactiv. It worked really well and my face was pretty clear for the most part but I still had acne. It was this year that I started using a tan colored SPF cover up to mask the redness.

In 10th grade I started eating really healthy. I stopped eating sugar and lost weight. My mom also took me to a dermatologist and I started a new skin care routine: I took a pill called Solodyn for my acne, I was washing with Benzoyl peroxide and some other special products. It was a mixture of the eating and the pills and the other products that my face was the best I think it's ever been!

My skin cleared up as a result of these products. It really did.

The moment we stopped paying for the pills and other treatments is when my acne started getting really bad again.

I am now in 11th grade and I have reached a point where my acne is the worst it's ever been and it is really really bad. I have severe acne. I don't even know how it's possible that it's gotten this bad.

Tyler, my 13 almost 14 year old brother, is in 8th grade and has bad acne now, too. It runs in our family.

There are a lot of reasons my acne is at it's worst right now. I am not eating as healthy as I used to. I have been actually eating pretty unhealthy. Not enough fruits and veggies and too much sugar.

I am using Mary Kay's facewash line and I really like it. It's not healing or curing my acne, but I think it's helping keep it somewhat under control.

What am I trying to get to, here? I want to find a cure for my acne. There must be some way to be cured from this horrible disease curse sickness plague nightmare!

I've been thinking and praying a lot lately. Acne is a trial for me. Other people might have trials like loss of family members to cancer, sickness, divorce, poverty or other things. My trial is acne. Heavenly Father only gives us trials that we can handle and they're always designed specifically for us.

What does God want me to learn from having acne? Me and my mom were talking about this a few weeks ago when I was sitting on her bed crying like a big baby because "I hate acne", "it's not fair", "nobody else has acne but me", "it hurts so bad", "it's embarrassing" and yada yada yada.

We came up with some ideas. I am maybe more compassionate, more accepting of others because I have acne. If I had a perfectly clear complexion, maybe I wouldn't be as loving to everyone and people that have acne or other visible issues.

Maybe it makes me more humble. Maybe it is going to help me learn to take better care of my body.

I have been doing a lot of reading. I am reading The China Study by Dr. T. Colin Campbell and he basically says, and all his research points to the fact that a whole foods, plant based diet is the answer to curing diabetes, heart disease, obesity, osteoporosis and the growth of tumors in our bodies. His book is really influential and is the reason I don't eat meat or dairy anymore.

I was also reading some websites that were saying that some people's bodies react on the outside to the toxins in our bodies. And acne is a result of our body reacting to the toxins that our body makes when we don't eat the right foods.

So I've come down to the proclamation that I can heal my acne with good nutrition. I used to eat sugar free and my face was always the best when I was eating that way. So I'm going to start eating better.

I have extremely bad acne, so I have to go to extreme measures to get results, right?

So I am eating no sugar, no dairy, limited amount of oil/fat. I am going to eat lots of vegetables, egg whites, beans, whole grains and fruits.

And I am going to be really strict about this. If the bread we buy has even just a little sugar in it, I am not going to eat it. If I want results it's going to take a lot of commitment and I have to be strict. It's going to take a really long time of commitment to get results, too. I'm going to need to eat this way for many many months to see if it works. It's not going to be a quick fix.

And maybe acne is just genetics and maybe I can't actually cure it with diet. But it's worth a try. I am willing to try anything.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Blood Drive

I donated blood for the third time yesterday.

I really wanted to take pictures of the inside of the bus, but I felt awkward enough just getting the outside!

I love the pretty little bow they put on the bandage!

They had to prick a finger on each of my hands because my iron levels were hard to read! I hate the finger prick!

I ate chocolate when I got home.

Photography Class

i am taking photography at school.

this is the art classroom.

there's only 7 photo students this period and we're all girls.

i love it.

today we were working with the film cameras.

i absolutely LOVE this picture of kaycie. 

i don't know what this locker is for, but it's in the art room and it's pretty!

her film didn't come out! that's happened to me before!

My photography teacher keeps telling us that there are a million photographers in this world.  What makes you different?  What makes your work appealing?  You have to find your style.

That always makes me feel inferior.  Like, what the heck is the point of taking pictures when there are millions of other people doing the same thing?  But then I remember that nobody can take the same picture twice and everybody is unique.  I capture the world around me and it can never be captured in that way ever again.

It makes me feel a little better.

the wall of fame.

i took and edited all these photos today! 


Tuesday, January 3, 2012


was the craziest most emotional year of my entire life.

okay that's a little dramatic but so much crazy stuff happened this year.

-my dad lost his job. and we've been having a reeeaaallly hard time. he has filled out hundreds!!! of  applications and getting excited about them and then never hearing back. he is qualified, too! it's just really really hard.

-i left homeschool and started my junior year at public high school. it's been crazy to say the least but i can honestly tell you that i like school. i have awesome teachers, awesome classmates and i have one friend (and a few acquaintances) and i am so grateful.

-my mom started a full-time job, she's a pre-k teacher to children with disabilities. she drops me off at school at 7:30am, goes to work and then we don't see her until 7pm. dad has become the homemaker as he stays home filling out job applications.

-i turned 16 which was supposed to be a big deal. dating. driver's license. but so far i haven't experienced either of those. 

-i started volunteering as a receptionist which isn't a big deal, me and jen just sit at a big ole desk and it's pretty quiet, but it's something.

-i donated blood two times which i was really scared to do but it was a good experience.

-i was depressed a lot this year. if you haven't dealt with depression, you might not understand, but you just feel sad. like there is no point in living. like nobody cares about you. like you want to die. like you suck at life. like you're not good at anything. like nobody would actually care if you were gone. i would cry and cry and cry and just lay in bed and cry. and cry because i was crying. and how ridiculous it all is. i would become even more sad when i would realize that i really have no legitimate reason to be sad and i'm just whiny and pathetic. i always feel like i'm not good enough. ever. never ever ever do i feel like i'm actually worth anything to anyone and that anyone actually cares about me. i feel like people just feel bad for me. 

this year i will stop overthinking everything. i do that too much. i analyze everything and think about things too much that i am so self obsessed and self centered and always afraid of what i'm going to say. but i am realizing that nobody actually cares. so i'm going to stop caring. i've become silent, judgemental and self centered.

i will be friendlier. i don't introduce myself to new people at school in class and so it's awkward. veerrrryyy awkward. i used to think that it was because nobody actually wanted to get to know me so why would i try to be friendly, but again. nobody actually cares. i should just try to be friendly. it's more awkward when i don't say anything at all and would be better if i would just be more friendly.

i will love myself. i will put all my self consciousness and doubt behind me. 

i will smile. i will be a good friend.